I have moved on, it only took
three mental breakdowns, 5 months, and a whole lot of lost time from my
friends. As well as the worst news I could receive. My father's rectal cancer
has returned; all of a sudden my squabble with Paige and Matt seem insignificant.
I'm completely devastated, I feel
very similar to the worst of my psychosis except I have a real current reason
to be sad. Last time we were so hopeful when we went to the office in Mayo to
see the doctor, we were so surprised when the doctors' informed us it really
couldn't get much worse. Stage IV-Type 0. It was a miracle that it hadn't metastasized.
It's been five years, five years of my father being in remission, five years
since I was forced to help him heal; to spend every waking minute with him
while he's in pain. Apparently the surgery didn't catch all of it. The found it
metastasized in what they currently believe to be his peritoneum, the layer of
tissue around the abdomen.
Now all I can think about is the
worst. I'm only now just starting a new relationship online with a single
mother I met, but now instead of making sure Katie isn't just another Kimmy, I
also have to worry that my dad could be dying. I'm not sure how to give her the
time we deserve.
I'm scared and I'm not sure what
to do. This weekend I get to go see Celtic Women in concert, a group I've
always want to see live. Yet, all I want to do right now is curl up in my
apartment and forget the world exists, but I know that won't help.
I suppose all I can do is to keep
breathing and moving forward.
~Nathan
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