Been a while

Good morning, myself

It's been a while. Like a year plus, you've through a lot; I thought we were doing better, but we starting to relapse.

The flu season has been a bad one, you've been deathly ill a lot. And more than likely your going to lose your job in a few weeks.

More importantly even though Callie, who we'll need to discuss later, came back those viscious, dangerous thoughts have started to return. Honestly, wanting to roll your car to get sympathy from your love ones and a way to get out of loosing your job?

I'm better than this. This was supposed to stop after I lost my job at Mercy. The only job I've ever wanted as a career, at least since college. Why am I still resisting getting my license back and getting in that horse.

I'll need a job anyway. I can only make so many excuses for my current one. Bring a hard worker when I'm there isn't enough when I've missed probably twelve days in three months. Must of them because I convinced myself I didn't want my job.

Oh by the way the job I'm taking about is winnebago first shift. Currently we work 70 hour work week. Which is about 16 hours more than body can handle. Dan is going to kill me later on when I start going to work again. He's pretty much Mr Rutt all over again, except he doesn't fill me with respect and I can leave whenever I want. And by that I mean quit.

Oh sorry and by working for bego I mean I'm back at Express Services.

I don't understand why in doing this again. Is it sure stupid defense mechanism against getting hurt. I hope not, all it ever does is hurt me... I do seem to enjoy things that hurt me. I wonder if they're connected?

Oh well,
Nathan

P.s. as to of the Matt-Paige front if your curious, they're getting married in August. And if he screws it up I'm told I have full rights to hurt him. And Grandpa tells me she maybe pregnant and they may already be married on paper because of it.

P.p.s. I really hope that's not why I'm having issues. If be so disappointed.